2007

Essences and MAP
HEALING THAT TRANSCENDS TIME AND SPACE

I have a history of pretty severe childhood sexual abuse. Since doing MAP sessions, I have felt my healing of the sexual abuse has gone into high gear. I have really seen a miraculous willingness on my part to do the work of looking after myself. Two weeks ago, I started using essences and reading the book, Flower Essences. Last night I read about telegraph testing. I find it all really interesting. I am writing you this letter because this morning I feel like I experienced a miracle.

My flashbacks of sexual abuse have been bad lately. In the last day or two, I have been remembering my mother cutting me with a knife. It has been hard going. My inner child is a huddled little frightened girl. I can visualize her, and I have been working at comforting her. She is pretty closed off.

This morning after meditating and seeing my little (inner) girl, I did a balancing with my essences. After getting my all-clear, I made the decision to try telegraph testing on some very itchy hives that I had between my right pinky finger and my ring finger. As the book suggested, I rubbed it, which made it really itchy. Then I began concentrating on my hives (as if I were listening carefully to a person tell a story in the middle of the Toronto Stock Exchange), and I started testing for essences. This was not so hard to do, but I found it very difficult to take each essence and "concentrate" the essence down to my hand. I pretended it was driving along a little road, down my throat, down my shoulder, arm and into my hand. In addition I was trying to check the meaning of each essence as Machaelle suggests. To my shock I found that what she said in the book was true.

The essences that I was taking did not seem to relate much to hives, but they were what I might think a child would need after being abused. I started crying as I was taking them. I said out loud, "I am taking these for you." I kept "concentrating" them down to my hand, but I knew they were going to her. That was early this morning. It is noon now and my hand has not been itchy, even a little, since then. My hand is healed, but I know that the healing went way deeper than the spot between my fingers. I feel so overwhelmingly grateful to have this wonderful tool to help me heal.

What I think Machaelle said in her book was that a physical injury often takes on the emotional troubles of the person. I know my hives come out when I am hurting from my trauma. So, I decided to try telegraph testing directly to my inner child. The first time I sent my inner child essences, I did not send them to her intentionally. I was going after my hives but realized after reading the essence definitions that they had gone to her instead. After that she got flower essences by telegraph testing regularly until my ETS Plus arrived, and I got bogged down in the other Perelandra processes (e.g., my miasm). I stopped telegraphing her essences and just offered her ETS Plus instead. I am grateful that today something was different. Maybe it was just her time.

My latest flashback was of a sexual assault that happened when I was just an infant. From infancy, I was sexually abused by both parents and it went on for many, many years. My inner child, who manifests at many different ages, continues to need a lot of attention from me to heal. And I need to follow through with this work, especially if I want to function in a comfortable way in my life. As I heal, I find that I want to pay attention to her.

Most of my trauma memories now come during MAP sessions, and I do a lot of my emotional work there. When I started with MAP, I knew it was real because although I do cry, I don't do it easily, and in first my MAP sessions I just cried and cried. It felt so good. I journal too. I write to my inner child and she writes back. I tell her that she is safe now, that I am open to hear our story and witness our experiences. I visualize comforting her, bathing her and feeding her. I tell her that she can relax and let me carry the load. She can just be a baby now. She tells me the stories I have repressed, she tells me what she needs, and she rages at me when I ignore her. I have to work at listening. That is how I heal. It was a job I refused at first but now I cherish.

From the information that came with this flashback, I believe I was physically injured as well as emotionally and spiritually. I think this is why I have been having trouble getting her through to the other side of this story, and I think the physical injury is why I thought to take the flower essences in the first place. Today when I wrote to her, I did my visualizations, holding her, bathing her and feeding her. I told her I loved her and then I asked her if she would like some flower essences. She said "yes." With the flower essences and my new learning from a Miasm Process experience, I sat down before pen and paper and I opened a MAP session for support. Instead of just testing her generally, which is all I have done in the past, this time I wrote down three headings: "the nature of the physical injury," "rage" and "loss of faith." I tested each symptom individually using kinesiology. Each symptom had its own combination of essences and each got a dosage.

I took the essences and came back downstairs feeling not a little wonder at the work I had done. But something was bothering me. I said out loud, "You had the flower essences, I don't think you need ETS." But the feeling didn't go away. I asked, "Do you need ETS too?" I did kinesiology to get my answer: "Yes." I took it, sending it to her. I asked for a dosage. One part of my brain expected the same dosage as for the flower essences, but the other part of my brain knew that this dosage would be different. I listened and heard, "every day." Like I take the MBP Balancing Solutions! I already take the ETS Plus once a day with my MBP Solutions for my Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. But now I am to give my inner child ETS Plus twice a day as well for her trauma. Brilliant! My inner child needs a separate dose from me! My cheapness shouted, "No! No!" But, as a grateful healing woman, I smiled and said, "Of course!"

I see the miracles that are happening using the flower essences and working with my MAP team. I get so excited and then I feel so grateful I want to kiss the floor! I am getting better! But, I do still need to do the work in front of me. That is one thing I learned early on from my MAP team: they will help me only if I help myself. I am so grateful for the support I get from my MAP team! I am so grateful for the help I get from the Question Hot Line and from my friends who are working with these processes just like me. I am blessed that I am open enough to work with this stuff, which most people would just laugh at. I am blessed that this wonderful information is here and I can use it.

I just now took a break from writing this story. (My bum was getting numb sitting here so long.)

I went to my easy chair and invited my dog to join me. She refused my offer but because I have been writing about my inner child, I thought, I have a little baby who needs to sit on my knee. I visualized myself as a baby on my knee, and in my mind's eye I looked down at her, and instead of seeing a baby crying and in pain, there she was (there I was) sleeping peacefully and still. I am very blessed!

— D.S., Canada