Miasms Process

I know I am not going crazy, but I really feel like I am. I have been a real fan of MAP and essences and MBP (Microbial Balancing Program) and Co-Creative Science for almost a year now. I really get it that this is a totally new way to relate to — well — everything. Several months ago, I finally admitted to my MAP team that I was experiencing tremendous reluctance and resistance to using the flower essences. I had a whole list of excuses: I couldn't understand why I tested positive for every essence every time I tested anything. It took too much time. I couldn't feel anything. I should feel something, etc.

Some time later, in one of your newsletters, I ran across the word "miasm," and it struck something inside. A little while after that, I sent for the paper. It took me days before I could read the paper all the way through. The paper rang really true for me. Of course, I tested myself and asked if the eating disorders I was working on as an issue were related to miasmic energy: "Yes." My body was so excited that I had finally gotten the message. It took several more readings and a few coning sessions to get enough information to be comfortable continuing. I have known for several days now that I needed to start on this, but I haven't been able to. Today, this morning, I did. It is now just four hours after I started taking the indicated essences. (For the next week I am taking a solution of all essences every half hour that supports the mental and emotional root issues or triggers, and a solution of V-1 and V-2 every hour that deals with the miasm.) No more of the not-feeling-anything problem. I can just hold the miasm solution and feel terror-overwhelm. I can still function on the outside. I can read, type, drive, fix coffee, walk, say hello — I don't look like anything strange is going on. But inside I am looking over the edge of a chasm so deep I can't see the bottom. With each dose of solution, I feel waves of terror and overwhelm leaking out — not so much that I can't function, but enough to get my attention, enough that I spend about 10 percent of my brain cycles reminding myself to breathe all the way in. The breathing really helps.

It feels like this is exactly the right way for me to be feeling right now and that I have the strength and support to go through with whatever shows up. But I am feeling very vulnerable and I wanted to connect with someone who uses these words to listen for a minute. I want another human being on the planet to know how hard this is for me. It doesn't seem like taking some drops out of a little bottle every half hour should rock someone's world and make them feel so crazy, but it has.

I am really grateful for your part in bringing this "heap big medicine" to me.

With much love and gratitude and "in process."

— M.C., Georgia