February 1999
When I first became aware of Machaelle's work at Perelandra I knew at once that I wanted to work with nature in my garden and use flower essences for my health. I didn't give much thought to definition, direction and purpose (DDP). For many years I was satisfied with the purpose "to bring balance and healing to this land." In the seventh year of the garden, I sensed a change and discovered myself working with the intention "to ground joy in this garden." I noted the new words but felt as if they came to me rather than from me. I didn't notice a difference in the garden so much as in my life, because that was the final garden I planted before moving from New Jersey to Arkansas, and from the city to the country.

My first country garden went back to the "balance and healing" intention. Again, I didn't think a lot about the statement of purpose. Looking back, it seems that in those first seven years I was learning about my hidden intentions, ways I wanted to use these processes to gain more control over my garden and land. I'm thinking that the broadness of my intention allowed and required nature to bring balance and healing to the gardener. I wonder, would the layers of healing that occurred in me and in my life have occurred if I had more clearly defined my garden? For example, what if I had asked for food for my family? I did get plenty of food. I'm really glad I didn't focus more specifically on the output of the garden, for certainly one product of the first years of gardening with nature was a refining of my conscious processes with my soul.

In the summer of my eighth garden, I found Co-Creative Science. With this book, I realized I wanted to bring my work with Perelandra processes into the framework of co-creative science. I also wanted to really define my DDP for a science project. The question I asked myself was, "What do you really want to do?" I'm still asking myself that question a year and a half later. In fact, getting clarity on what I really want to do is one of the most difficult challenges the Perelandra work has brought me to, and believe me, there have been plenty of other challenges in this work.

As a health care practitioner I had been in Professional MAP (PMAP) for a number of years but was never very satisfied with how that was working. I had and still have an issue with how I am perceived in the community, and I kept pretty short reins on my PMAP team. Actually what kept happening was that I would forget to attend to my team during my work day. If I remembered to open a coning then I'd forget it until after I had finished my work day. I rarely made time to meet with my team. Usually I'd call on them when I felt out of my depth with something occurring in a session. Their patience was amazing to me, for they were always there with their gentle, powerful support to guide me through to a resolution of the issue.

To establish my DDP for a co-creative science project, I began the search to answer the question, "What do I really want to do?" What do I want to do so much that I will stick to it no matter what, so much that some more interesting thing will not come along to claim my thoughts, time and energy? What is some sort of rock bottom longing that has threaded itself through my life and remained with me throughout all my changes?

I found two longings I could remember being with me from childhood, and the words my adult self found to label these longings were this—to relieve suffering and to know God. Could this, then, be a statement of intention for my co-creative science project? As far as I could see this moved my project out of the garden and into my health care practice. I was willing to give it a shot.

When I look at that paragraph I count four sentences. Those four sentences took me nearly a year of intense focus, self-questioning and attention to be able to write.

Last July, about a year after first reading Co-Creative Science, I wrote my first full DDP for my co-creative science project. It included my home, garden and health care practice. Less than a month later, it became necessary for me to move from the shared offices where I was working into my own offices. I made a list of everything I wanted in my own space. Office space is limited in the small city where I work, and in my search I forgot about my list and looked at every possible thing. Finally I found a place and rented it. Looking back at my list, I found that every single item on my list was provided—and better than I ever imagined!

Since the first full DDP I wrote, I have made three major re-writes, about one every two months. I found the first too detailed, shadows of my efforts to control nature's activities. The second was too broad, barely defining what I wanted to do. The next was close to "just right," but the language was clunky. Also, in it were still some aspects I wanted to control, and in trying to avoid controlling them I just left them out. I was using the "pretend it doesn't exist and it will go away" method for handling the rough places in life.

As I changed my DDP, the effects on my project were immediately obvious. I included teaching in my direction, and the opportunities that have come my way have been delightful. I got over the money hump and admitted that the project was to support itself and me financially, and two large checks came within a week. "Problems" have become sources of information, not mistakes or defeats.

My most recent DDP is elegant, if I do say so myself. It is the most simply stated yet. Somehow the words came to me in such a way that I was able to say exactly what I wanted, almost as an offering to nature more than a demand. There is very little of the first DDP I wrote last July in this most recent DDP, and yet the essence is the same. This is a statement of my DDP I can live with and grow with. It includes my health care practice, home and garden. I can hardly wait to see how it unfolds. It scares the socks off of me. I calibrate regularly to this DDP. I am using essences again regularly after years of requiring them rarely. (I remember getting calluses on my forefingers from opening the bottles in the beginning. Even making up solutions, I was still opening many bottles every day.) I get an insight about my process from the essences I require, and include that insight in my next DDP calibration. I use the energy processes, especially energy cleansing and soil balancing and stabilizing, regularly, too. The video on Soil-less Gardens is very helpful; I have watched it over and over.

I wondered why I kept getting an urge to write this letter today, and in writing it I recognize how gently I am being escorted through the changes necessary to uphold my end of the DDP I have discovered within me. The beauty of the journey, the loving support available along the way, move me to tears. Machaelle, I am so grateful for your work here, your persistence in fulfilling your own DDP, your courage in making your work public.

September 1999
As this cycle of the seasons nears completion, I find myself reflecting on the processes in my life which have occurred with this DDP. First, the fulfillment of my deepest longings has been more than I ever imagined. The way it has come to me has been so unexpected that I did not even recognize at first that these events in my life were directly related to the intent expressed in my DDP. It has been an amazing, delightful, mind-boggling surprise. Second, the things I did expect, the images I made in my mind of what I was co-creating, have for the most part not materialized. Third, the project I thought I was working on as a co-creative science project turned out not to be.

Many of the wonderful things that have happened seem to have laid a foundation that may serve to support a co-creative science project in the future. Various loose ends in my life have been cleared up, and I am more secure in my functioning in the everyday world. This year also has been a time of development of my sense as a partner in a co-creative relationship. More and more I am aware of constant support from aspects of reality that I experience as non-physical. At the same time, I feel a responsibility to hold up my end of the partnership. It has become tremendously important to me to do this well.

What I finally "get" is that I just don't "get" it. And in this not "getting," not knowing, is the space for miracles to happen. Possibilities are so much greater than my imagination. And, if I focus on my deepest yearnings, allowing them to clarify as I understand more, the events that can happen to fulfill these yearnings are so much greater than I imagined.

Still, I am unsettled a lot and sometimes feel anxious. Every step seems to take such a long time. No longer does the road of successful accomplishment stretch out before me as a familiar path. My old patterns of striving seem to keep me in old ruts; they won't support my development in these new areas of being. The Perelandra processes help me through the hard times.

I was operating with one set of ideas about reality last February when I wrote about my DDP, and I'm operating with a very different set of ideas now. Just recently I have consciously identified another possible co-creative science project. What will happen next? Perhaps I'll know when it happens!

— C.C., Arkansas